Fat Lady Poised at Microphone

Written by Neil Dawson

All my headline writing days I had wanted us to beat Newcastle 5-0, Hawaii 50, waye-aye 5-0…. it’s just too delicious….sat there waiting – every cliched, tired, chain-smoking sub-editors dream. I didn’t really want it to be the other way round for obvious reasons but when at 0-4 down Andy Carroll smashed that drive goalwards….. part of me thought…. go on, what’s the harm….

Such is the pain of supporting Bournemouth these days – searching for little glimmers of humour as the team chases average opponents around the pitch. Today this was Newcastle, a team with the stat of the least possession in the Premier League this season (the only surprise to this stat being how they have snatched it from us) but today keeping the ball like the Ajax of Cruyff playing Plymouth. ‘You know you are bad when the St Johns Ambulance brigade boo you off’ – was my West Country Uncles favourite comment on a poor Argyle performance – and I thought of him as the players passed the medical volunteers on their way to the changing room.

I appear to be in the habit of keeping match reports short – apologies for those that love line by line detail of action…… We looked ok for three minutes, let’s give credit where it’s due, but then Lerma, who has gradually been dragged down the midfield scale from Yaya Toure to Dan Gosling as he assimilates, had a brain-fart, trod on the ball and GAYLE was put away to score with aplomb. Up came all the self-prophesizing stats about our ability to come back and we didn’t disappoint the Sky number-geeks. The response was poor with the team so stretched in formation and all the passes coming at long distance and easily intercepted.

Newcastle – particularly with Saint-Maximin (I’m sure I went on a French holiday there once) on fire looked the more likely to score and did when he wriggled past Brooks and Smith far too easily and pulled back for Longstaff to blast home. Our heads dropped and the players played out until half time with no shots on target for the third first half in a row. That would be a worrying stat normally but now it’s way down the list.

HT Bournemouth 0 Newcastle 2

The second half saw Cook on for Billing as our player roulette spun again in hope of finding one on form. We will watch the reverse of this at half time Saturday mark my words. Solanke briefly threatened with a run and shot that deflected onto the post for King to net from an offside position

AlMIRON (I’m sure I’ve been there on a Spanish holiday once) had arrived as a sub but was made to feel very welcome by our defence as he advanced into acres of space and curled cleverly home. This sparked zero reaction from Bournemouth, predictably now devoid of any confidence and playing through the motions knowing Newcastle were unlikely to bust a gut.

Eddie rolled the dice a few more times with Stanislas, Wilson, Gosling and Mepham all appearing but no Surridge which is a surprise as he has scored frequently this season at a decent level and while he wouldn’t have rescued the game would have got minutes. The play was still so sloppy though and Newcastle added a fourth when LAZARO (I’ve definitely been there on holiday) got in on the left far too easy to finish across Ramsdale. Haydn (astonishingly) and them Carroll missed the chance to give me that headline.

Bournemouth had a late flurry, hit the bar with a great effort from Brooks and finally got a shot on target (that’s two in three games folks!) when GOSLING converted Ake’s header for a late goal that was the definition of ‘consolation’

FT Bournemouth 1 Newcastle 4

Ramsdale 3 – could have got closer to a few of those I thought.

Smith 3 – taken apart by Saint-Max and looked shot.
Cook 3 – too much space behind him for two goals and hooked.
Ake 4 – ‘what am I doing here’
Kelly 4 – defensively alright when compared to the other side of the pitch

Brooks 4 – odd bright moment but not covering Smith
Lerma 3- wondering what Spanish club will rescue him
Billing 3 – all over the place defensively and poor control
Danjuma 3 – looks out of place – bad timing coming this year.

King 3 – Who can I nutmeg? playing for himself.
Solanke 4 – Clearly not Premier level but tried hard and hit the post.

MOM – Help me out here. Let’s go, Brooks?

Click here to continue to The Vital Verdict – AFCB v Newcastle United.

Your say…

bpl234 wrote…

I think the left-hand side was ok. Thought Kelly and Danjuma were ok. The start of the second half they were a bit of a threat and in the first half, it was those two that created that chance for Billing . Add to the fact that they have what started 2 games between them this season?

Go to the other flank Smith got torn. And that second goal brooks offered nothing to help Smith.
Lerma massive mistake but you know what even after he did, he did not go hiding like a lot of the others.
Billing has looked handy on a three but we play him in a two and King and Solanke’s pressing was at such as slow pace.

Ake not his greatest night but as for Cook. Wow, we rely on him to make those 40 yard passes time and time again. – Join the conversation, click here.